Hey there, April 27! So nice to see you. What’s that you have in your hand? Oh, the new Planet of the Apes comic! On sale now, you say?

But wait, what’s that you’re hiding behind you back? Oh goodness, it’s Dracula: Company of Monsters #9, and Volume 2 of Dracula: Company of Monsters, the trade paperback collecting issues 5 thru 8!  Also on sale today? Let me take a look at those…

Wait a minute, why are you holding that gun? What do you mean my rhetorical device has become labored? Come on, April 27, I thought we were pals! Just put down the — Aaagh! For the love of God,  I have children!